Good news: I may have found the absentmindedly-tucked-away pen (I had 2 identical ones... I found one under my seat but didn't check to see if it was, indeed, the lost one - I just wanted to hope)... AND it turns out that my sunglasses were not actually lost. They were just patiently waiting for me in my car in the Enterprise parking lot. So when I thought I had my sunglasses on my head, I was just wearing my glasses.
Bad news: I'm an idiot.
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